![]() ![]() I had a specific reason for taking each book with me, except the last one. Even though I would only be on site for 72 hours, I packed so many books in my bookbag that it was heavier than I ever recall it being in the ten years or so that it has been my man purse. Edmund’s Retreat Center on Enders Island in Connecticut, just an hour away from home. I listened to her and ended up scheduling a silent retreat at St. Maybe it was that my June began with a serious bicycle crash and ended with a not-as-serious-but-very-annoying fender bender in the car. Maybe it was that although a silent retreat used to be a regular annual event for me, I had not been on one since pre-pandemic in 2019. Maybe it was my wandering around the house aimlessly and sighing a lot. I’m not sure what prompted this suggestion. Jeanne started mentioning a couple of months ago that she thought I should find an appropriate location and go away on silent retreat for a few days. The hill and neighborhood where I met the deer are unfamiliar because I am away on retreat for three days. I don’t know a whole lot about deer, but I do know that deer with horns are dudes. “Looking good, dude,” I said as he sauntered off into someone’s back yard. ![]() I stopped far enough away to get my phone out of my pocket without scaring him and took a very amateurish picture-at least I got one. I was on my usual early morning bike ride (the closest thing I have to a spiritual practice these days), came down an unfamiliar hill in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and there he was standing in the middle of the road. Do not immediately go to the next goal and forget to take time to focus on the positives obtained each step of the way.I met a deer the other morning, the first deer I’ve met in a long time. Some examples are to celebrate with friends or purchase some new clothes. Do not forget that with each goal obtained ie. This can help to figure out how to make the best choices and with more thought. Maybe you realize that when you go to the grocery store, you tend to buy more items, so instead, you can order groceries on auto delivery to avoid the temptations of tasty treats. It is helpful to figure out the reasons for the weight gain and implement a plan to correct for it. For example, say you follow a weight-loss plan and you manage to lose 10 pounds but then gain three pounds back. Monitor your gains and relapses, and set up a plan to correct.Set up the date for change after you have figured out a detailed plan. Think of things like setting up a therapy appointment or joining a fitness group first. Do not just start the resolution on January 1st because it is a traditional date on the calendar. Select a realistic and reasonable date.This is where getting a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) treatment can be useful, as it teaches you how to change thoughts to be more rationally balanced, and learn to be kind to yourself. People who have a positive attitude think, “oh well, there is always another chance to make a better choice or I can just have a salad at dinner,” and they are often the most successful. Do not focus on how you might as well eat a bag of cookies too, or that there is no point because you are always destined to make the same mistake. For example, if you are trying to lose weight but then decide to eat pie, do not go into a negative thought spiral. People who are able to live in the next moment and easily forgive the missteps are the best at moving forward. ![]() When people are trying to create behavioral change, there will always be relapses.
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